#domesticated

Soooo sometimes I act like I'm super domestic and I create things. My mom bought a silhouette a while back so I've been experimenting with vinyl lettering! Thennnn my friend Kasse got married Saturday and wanted a sign that had this quote on it. I had seen one on pinterest that was red and pink, and that's where my inspiration for this came ... I just really didn't want the one for kasse to look so Valentine's day-ish.

Sooo, I went to the local ReStore (my favorite place) and found an old wood cupboard for $1. It had stains on it and was kinda gross, so I went home and sanded off all of the white on the backside. I decided to be brave and attempt to distress the front with sandpaper and I'd say it turned out quite nice.

I didnt get to use the silhouette to cut out the letters... But the silhouette is home in California. Soooo I designed the lettering on picmonkey, a free website, mirror-imaged it in Google's Picasa, and then printed it on some $2 gray contact paper I found at Walmart. Then I cut out each of the letters, put them on the board how I liked them, added some twine and some hearts from a 12 pack of hearts I found for $3 at the ReStore as well, and waaaaalaa! Here you have it! A super cute sign for less than $4!

Tool Tips on a Thursday night

A tool in gentlemen's clothing

I thought that I'd go ahead and switch things up today. Instead of telling you all about the changes that have recently happened in my career adventures (because there have been BIG changes), and instead of  giving bro tips or sharing how much I don't like boys, anddddd (best of all) instead of recounting "just friends" stories (I have TWO just from this week. Seriously. CHAMPION week! haha), I thought I'd go ahead and teach you all how to be tools.

You see, I've learned a whole lot about tools the past few months years. And guess what? I'm SOOOO stinking tired of them!! Guess what else I'm tired of. Go ahead. Guess. THE DATING GAME. It is such a game! 

Game-playing girl: "He waited 30 minutes to text me back so I need to wait 30-60 minutes to text him back to play hard to get kind of because it'll make him want me!" 

Roommate: "How was your date?"
Game-playing girl: "It was soooo good! Like, SOOOO good. I think I'm going to wait 30 minutes to send the "thank you" text. Or should I wait til tomorrow? I just don't wanna come on too strong, ya know? But I don't wanna wait too long either to look like I was just thinking about him this whole time." 

Ughhhh. I'm soooo tired of games. Seriously. So I decided I'm not gonna play them anymore. I refuse. I decided that last night (because of events that have transpired this week, naturally). Then I sent a boy a text this morning. (Cue "just friends" story #1 of the week). But you know what? I'm really happy I did it! Now K and I can just go on being friends and I won't have to play the game. I can just be me. Which, ummmm.... last time I checked, we should just be ourselves when we're getting to know people anyway, right?

Ok, enough of that. Excuse my rant. Let's move on to what you came here for.

Tool tip #1: Plan dates with as many girls as you can when you come visit Utah for a weekend. Then tell each of them that they are the only girl you're coming to see.  In fact, tell one of them you want to spend as much time with her as possible, like Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night. Then when you go out on Wednesday, tell her you shouldn't kiss because you don't want to have a long distance relationship, then kiss her anyway. Then text her the next morning to cancel your Friday plans with her because you've moved your Saturday girl to Friday and all of a sudden you're double booked and one has got to go, and naturally its gotta be the one you already got some from (a kiss) on Wednesday. Oh yeah, then Thursday tell the Wednesday girl (who thought she was the Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday girl) that the girl you're "hanging out with" on Saturday (now Friday), is not actually just a friend like you said she was yesterday. Tell her that you've actually been trying to do the long distance thing with her for the past 6 weeks. Soooo you're still technically in a relationship with Saturday (now Friday) but you're going to end things. And, of course, you need to take her on a date to do that. Thats why you wanted to move it to Friday anyway. Because you feel like it would be the right thing to do. Because Saturday she was going to go to a family thing with you... and you'd hate to break her heart in front of your family.  We could probably just copy and paste Tool Tip #1 into the definition of "super classy". I'm pretty sure.

Tool tip #2: Wear tight pants.

Tool tip #3: Gym. Tan. Laundry. (rinse, lather, repeat)

Tool tip #4: Offer every girl you know a ride on your motorcycle.

Tool tip #5: Own a motorcycle in the first place.

Tool tip #6: Wear short shorts at the pool.

Tool tip #7: Tell people you're not a tool. 

These tool tips will only make you a successful tool 85% of the time. So, sorry if you do these things and you are in the unlucky, untoolish 15%. 

The end.

:)

Ok I know this post sounds SUPER bitter, but I'm actually not bitter. Promise. Ok maybe slightly. Buttttt I'm sitting here laughing with my roommates. Life is stinking good! 

The Golden Condor

My life reached an all-time low this week, people. Not only was I called "Morgan" by Kyle's nieces and nephew (the result of being sloppy 4ths, no doubt). ((Kyle, I figured I'd go ahead and make an actual reference slash shout out to you since you think all of my blog posts are about you anyway ;) jk)). Oh no, that was not all, friends. I was also told that when I grow up I should play Big Bird from Sesame Street. It was not, however, Kyle's nieces and nephew who told me this. It was Tyler Richard White (thats right, full name drop right there).

Something about being told you should aspire to be an 8 foot 2 inch, 6 year old male canary slash condor slash lark just doesn't sit well, ya know? Actually, you probably don't. You probably don't know because you've probably never been told that you should grow up to be Big Bird.

The worst part of it all? I've had FAR too many Big Bird experiences since then. (Ok, I've only had one, but that was still too many). I had to run to the local Walmart on my lunch break Wednesday to get some stuff I needed for my trip to CA. I've frequented this Walmart on my lunch break before as it is only 4 minutes from my workplace. I'm always pretty quick to run in and run out. Though this time as I was leaving the little children's ride caught my eye. It was BIG BIRD. Naturally, I needed a picture and naturally, the only person close by was an 80 something year old native American lady. Of course I asked her to take a picture (slightly worried my phone would break (yet again) from her shaky hands but determining it would totally be worth it). Homegirl took like 6 haha, all from different angles.

Here is one of the many she took:

I don't really see any resemblance so I decided to see if we look any more similar when we're standing and I'm making a Big Bird type face:

I still just don't really see it. Do you?

So I realized that because you two got such a kick out of Tyler calling me Big Bird, we didn't really get the chance to go over what your professions would be. I suppose now is as good a time as any to reveal to you my thoughts (after much analysis, I assure you). 

Tyler, let's start with you. 

Title: CEO of MICsponge

Or if being at C-level doesn't suit your fancy, here is option #2:

Title: Elephant Excrement Examiner

(Tyler, what is in your mouth?)

Don't worry, Kyle. I didn't forget about you.

Title: Tarantula trainer at Jay's Jungle (inspired by his love for Gandhi (or Buddha? Or Ghanda Booty as somebody called him haha)

awkward and amazing

Soooo sometimes my life is super awkward.
Then other times its super amazing.
Occasionally its awkwardly amazing
But its mainly just amazingly awkward.

Let's be real here though, isn't it the awkward moments that make your life the greatest?




Do you ever just get so excited about life that you want to scream?
Do you ever want to heel click or fist pump because life is just that good?
Do you ever "eeeeekkkkk" in the car by yourself because you're just so happy you're alive?
Do you ever stay up until 1:50 am just to write a blog about it?

(If you answered no to any of those questions I would probably say "ohhh yeah me neither. That would be weird")

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” - Shauna Niequist

:) one of my favorites.

PS. I'm going home this week. Like, HOME. So excited!!

happy.

Hi, my name is Debby Downer. 

Honestly, I feel like I have just been complaining so much these past couple months. I have not been any fun to be around, I'm sure, because I've had such a Debby Downer attitude.

Work has been stressful. Really stressful. It's hard to be done with school and just be working every day. I feel stagnant. What is the next big adventure? Where do I go next? This isn't even what I want to do for my career. Oh, also, boys are dumb. blah blah blah blah blah. 

Its time to make a change, boys and girls! 

I really do have sooooo much to be grateful for in my life. 

Want me to tell you about some of my blessings? 

Ok. :) I will. 

Someone invented Nutty Bars. I'm pretty healthy. I'm young (ish) and single, which means I feel completely justified in taking random trips and spending a little bit of money. I have a washer and dryer. I have a car that runs. I can laugh. Sometimes when I laugh my "asthma laugh" comes out, and that is just a joy for all. I found mint nail polish that actually goes on well. I learned how to golf. Like, real golf. It is summer time. Anddd I can quiver my eyebrows (definitely a blessing). 

Debby Downer no more, my friends. Its time to sing (and lets be real, I'll probably do some dancing too). It keeps life more exciting (especially with a voice like mine).

Not to quote Nacho Libre or anything, but My life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5am, and make some soup! It's the best. I love it. 

Oh, so 2 more blessings: 1. I generally don't have to wake up at 5am. 2. I don't make soup (except Ramen noodles, of course). 

have a happy day :)

Bad habits

I feel like every post I just expose all of my flaws. So for this one I thought I'd just ... well, do the same thing!

Here is Ms. Farley's Flaw #253683:

I'm a people pleaser. But that's only really part of the problem. I like to make everyone happy and be friends with everyone and have everyone enjoy my company as well. I discovered, however, that life doesn't always work that way. We can't all be each other's biggest fans.

Every friendship reaches the point where you know if you're gonna like each other or not. When a person likes me, life is good. When they don't like me I quickly resort to Plan B which I prefer to call "Operation: Be Really Annoying". I accidentally do everything I can to annoy them. (Just like how I accidentally click "buy" sometimes on Groupon haha). Its not good. I'm not proud of it. But its kinda funny. Like a little bit...? Is that sick that I find enjoyment out of it?

Mehh. It happens.

:) life is good.

the friend zone.

Ok. Be ready to read the funniest story you've read all day. 

Remember what I said two posts ago about the friend zone, and how I always put people in it? 

If you don't remember that or didn't read it, you should probably scroll down and read it before you go any further with this lovely post.

Ok fine, I'll give you a little recap: Basically, I put people in the friend zone. That is just what I do (orrr, umm, what I did and will nost likely start to do again). Instead of dealing with the drama of dating and feeling vulnerable by putting my feelings on the line, I would just friend zone every guy I met before he even got the chance to decide if he liked me. Sometimes before he even knew my name if I felt so inclined. Well, after writing that post I decided I need to do better and I started making a conscious effort to keep people out of the friend zone. I thought I was doing a pretty good job until the following events transpired this week. I've since decided that my little "I'm done friend-zoning" stint ... its over. 

Oh, and remember my post before the friend zone one about karma?! 

Those two posts + what happened to me this week = HILARIOUS. 



Below are two screen shots from my phone of what happened to me in real life this week. 
(If this doesn't make you laugh then there is something wrong with you)

ohhh and don't forget this next one too: 

Booya!!! 

Yep. 

That's right. 

I was friend zoned twice. 

In a matter of two days. 

By two different guys. 

Through two classy text messages. 

Talk about karma coming back around! 

:)

It is a good thing that I wanted to be "just friends" with these two guys anyway. They're super fun! 




#YOYASO baby! Live it up!