I thought that I'd go ahead and switch things up today. Instead of telling you all about the changes that have recently happened in my career adventures (because there have been BIG changes), and instead of giving bro tips or sharing how much I don't like boys, anddddd (best of all) instead of recounting "just friends" stories (I have TWO just from this week. Seriously. CHAMPION week! haha), I thought I'd go ahead and teach you all how to be tools.
You see, I've learned a whole lot about tools the past few
Game-playing girl: "He waited 30 minutes to text me back so I need to wait 30-60 minutes to text him back to play hard to get kind of because it'll make him want me!"
Roommate: "How was your date?"
Game-playing girl: "It was soooo good! Like, SOOOO good. I think I'm going to wait 30 minutes to send the "thank you" text. Or should I wait til tomorrow? I just don't wanna come on too strong, ya know? But I don't wanna wait too long either to look like I was just thinking about him this whole time."
Ughhhh. I'm soooo tired of games. Seriously. So I decided I'm not gonna play them anymore. I refuse. I decided that last night (because of events that have transpired this week, naturally). Then I sent a boy a text this morning. (Cue "just friends" story #1 of the week). But you know what? I'm really happy I did it! Now K and I can just go on being friends and I won't have to play the game. I can just be me. Which, ummmm.... last time I checked, we should just be ourselves when we're getting to know people anyway, right?
Ok, enough of that. Excuse my rant. Let's move on to what you came here for.
Tool tip #1: Plan dates with as many girls as you can when you come visit Utah for a weekend. Then tell each of them that they are the only girl you're coming to see. In fact, tell one of them you want to spend as much time with her as possible, like Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night. Then when you go out on Wednesday, tell her you shouldn't kiss because you don't want to have a long distance relationship, then kiss her anyway. Then text her the next morning to cancel your Friday plans with her because you've moved your Saturday girl to Friday and all of a sudden you're double booked and one has got to go, and naturally its gotta be the one you already got some from (a kiss) on Wednesday. Oh yeah, then Thursday tell the Wednesday girl (who thought she was the Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday girl) that the girl you're "hanging out with" on Saturday (now Friday), is not actually just a friend like you said she was yesterday. Tell her that you've actually been trying to do the long distance thing with her for the past 6 weeks. Soooo you're still technically in a relationship with Saturday (now Friday) but you're going to end things. And, of course, you need to take her on a date to do that. Thats why you wanted to move it to Friday anyway. Because you feel like it would be the right thing to do. Because Saturday she was going to go to a family thing with you... and you'd hate to break her heart in front of your family. We could probably just copy and paste Tool Tip #1 into the definition of "super classy". I'm pretty sure.
Tool tip #2: Wear tight pants.
Tool tip #3: Gym. Tan. Laundry. (rinse, lather, repeat)
Tool tip #4: Offer every girl you know a ride on your motorcycle.
Tool tip #5: Own a motorcycle in the first place.
Tool tip #6: Wear short shorts at the pool.
Tool tip #7: Tell people you're not a tool.
These tool tips will only make you a successful tool 85% of the time. So, sorry if you do these things and you are in the unlucky, untoolish 15%.
The end.
:)
Ok I know this post sounds SUPER bitter, but I'm actually not bitter. Promise. Ok maybe slightly. Buttttt I'm sitting here laughing with my roommates. Life is stinking good!
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